Clueless

Clueless,

I awoke every hour or so to check if he was still alive

Clueless,

I opened my eyes, watching as his chubby fingers struggle to find my face

Eyes shut, mouth slightly open preparing to let out a whine

He rests his hands on my cheeks, pinches them gently

Lets out a sigh, the whine quickly forgotten.

I watch, as his lips meet, giving him the determined look that would make me let him have his way, that would make us fight like two children

I watch, the rise and fall of his chest, trying to understand my latest puzzle, trying to find even a hint of his mother in his lips and long lashes and chubby cheeks. I'll later find the resemblance in his determination and defiance and protests, in the way he'll be throwing a tantrum one moment and laughing with me the other.

I feel his hands loosen his grip. i continue staring at this face, now under my care. My chest tightens with love and anxiety.

I watch, the rise and fall of his chest. I watch, as he kicks the covers and turns to face the wall, then me, then the headboard.

And I feel clueless because love doesn't feel enough to take care of this precious gem.