Feminist

The word 'beautiful' quickly turns to 'crazy' every time I talk about feminism. I am crazy for being something that he christened me to be. I don't want to be a feminist. I know not what it truly means.

I want to be woman.

Imperfections

I want to let you hold me and run your node-y hands across my body.
But I am afraid that I will fart.

Stealing Kisses

I have been stealing kisses. Sometimes it's on the hands or the wrists or on the neck. I can't help it. It is like there is a little demon that has created a magnetic pull between his body and my lips, and I am drawn to him. Mama says that feelings like those are sinful and kisses are even more sinful. So I have started praying about it, asking God to take away this evil feelings from me. I have been fasting, pleading God to forgive me for stealing those kisses.

But.

The attraction is too strong. I find myself quickly placing my lips over whichever part of his body is closest and swiftly- sometimes slowly and grudgingly- parting with him. I make sure though to avoid his lips because Mama says that that is how girls get babies. I don't want a baby. Mama would beat me and then call Auntie Grace to come and take me for a few days. Auntie Grace knows a pastor, a worker of miracles, who can remove babies that are got outside wedlock. Mama says babies got out of wedlock aren't a blessing but bring shame to the family and lots of curses. And do you know how much praying and fasting one has to do to be freed from curses? A lot thus I'd rather not kiss and make babies. So I try to refrain from even looking at his beautiful lips because Mama's anger is not hard to ignite like a jet fuel near a spark.

And when I get carried away and imagine me kissing his lips, the image is quickly replaced by Mama's anger and then God's wrath, which Mama says is ten thousand times worse than hers. It might be more. When I think about God watching me do a sinful thing like kiss, I want to cry and plead for mercy. But I know He is a Judge and quite the disciplinarian because Mama says she got her strictness from God Himself.

I am also terrified because I know any minute now, God will tell Mama that I have been stealing kisses.  She says that her spiritual gift is the gift of knowledge and she can see through the hearts of men. He will not be pleased because like a believer confessing to a priest, he will think that I finally confessed to Mama about him and my thieving ways.