I am
great at making resolutions. They are always the life changing type; the ones
that will enable me reach some sort of self-actualisation or become famous. Of
late, for example, I have decided to work out thrice a week, learn to play the
guitar and read the newspaper daily. The problem is, I’ve had these resolutions
for the past two years.
Yes,
it’s sad and, I must admit, a bit pathetic. Now, let me explain my
patheticness, if such a word exists. Every time I make up my mind to positively
alter my life, I start with so much oomph. I’m the type of person who’ll do
whatever it takes to achieve my goals...for the first couple of weeks. And
then, out of nowhere, life punches me so hard in the gut that it leaves me on
my knees, weak, panic stricken and gasping for air. All hope I had in life
quickly fades and is replaced with fear. In a state of terror, I flee from the
world in search of a haven. I lock myself up in my room and hide in the place I
find safest- that is, my bed.
I
hide under the covers, watching chick flicks and drowning myself in depression.
I lock out hope and let fear beat the self-confidence out of me. My zeal for
life is lost for a week or two or a month until something or someone or God ignites
the fire in me again. Then the process starts all over again.
It
is a vicious cycle. One moment I believe that I am the most capable person in
the world, that I can achieve anything. The next moment I am filled with doubt
and insecurities about my abilities. Yes, I have doubts and life can suck at
times but blocking out the world all in the name of fear won’t get me anywhere.
I’ll still wake up very single day with the same problems I had the previous
day.
As I
watch the youth in Kenya rise and bring change, I have been challenged to be a
part of them. I really do want to make a difference but it can’t be done by
whispering my dreams to my pillow and building castles in the air. Change will not take place if we wallow over
our problems and dream of being people that we’re not striving to be. Truly,
actions do speak loudly.
I
understand what Morrie (from Tuesdays with Morrie) meant when he said, ‘When in
bed, you’re dead.’ You and I will never change our worlds if we’re busy
dreaming about changing it instead of doing something to alter. So get off your
ass and JUST DO IT!
PS. I found it so hard not to put smiley faces while I wrote this. The effects of texting. Sigh... :)
